There’s nothing wrong with high standards or excellence, but sometimes perfectionism can cause you anxiety. When you constantly feel like you can’t meet your expectations or the expectations of those around you perfectly, you’re bound to feel some discomfort. Let’s learn how to recognize perfectionism anxiety, what causes it, and how to overcome it.

What is Perfectionism Anxiety?

We’ve all heard that if you go into an interview and they ask for your weakness, you’re supposed to say “perfectionism.” Why is that? It’s because our society is very success driven, and perfectionism means you’ll pay attention to the details—maybe even to a fault. But unfortunately, there are a number of downsides to perfectionism that could negatively impact your work as well. That could manifest in the form of anxiety.

First, what is perfectionism? Perfectionism is the mindset that anything short of success is a failure. That means you are seeking for flawlessness in anything you do. You tie your self-worth to whether or not you achieve what you think you should achieve. But sadly, it also means that you’re never enough. Nothing you do ever lives up to the perfection you strive for. Your expectations are too high.

Anxiety is a feeling of distress that can show in your body as shallow breathing or a rapid heart rate. It deals with the act of mentally dwelling in the future and worrying intensely and excessively. Perfectionism anxiety is anxiety related to perfectionistic standards.

Some examples of perfectionism anxiety might be worrying about making your house spotless before anyone comes to visit or stressing over the minute details of the fonts and colors of your business presentation. Usually, the anxiety isn’t objectively logical, but in the moment, it consumes all your thoughts.

What Causes Perfectionism Anxiety?

Perfectionism anxiety starts with your tendency to be unaccepting of anything less than perfect. This could have developed from your parents or other individuals around you or a rigid religious background, among other things. Pinpointing what factors influenced your perfectionism can help you get at the root of the issue and help you deal with the perfectionism anxiety better. Meeting with a therapist can help you gain insight into the root causes.

Because perfectionists are so worried that they’ll never be good enough, they end up using maladaptive ways to cope with the stress they feel. They feel anxiety that they will always fall short. When small things go wrong, it feels like a catastrophe. When mistakes are made, the perfectionist feel like a failure. Then the perfectionist feels anxiety associated with the fear that they might be a bad person—especially if they disappoint others.

Perfectionism and anxiety are linked because perfectionism always comes with unrealistically high expectations. And the worry about not meeting such high expectations is inevitable.

Overcoming Perfectionism Anxiety

Once you’ve identified the reason behind your perfectionism, you can start working on the anxiety that has developed along with it. Start by recognizing your perfectionism. Usually this will come with thoughts such as, “You have to make this perfect" or “Why can’t you just get this right?” Remember that self-judgement and perfectionism go hand in hand.

Also look for

• Black-and-white thinking (an all-or-nothing attitude)

• Catostrophic thinking (“If I don’t do this then something terrible will happen!”)

• The word “should” (“I should be able to do this better!”)

Overcoming perfectionism anxiety starts with changing the way you think. Try some of these strategies:

• Use positive affirmations: When your perfectionism anxiety starts, tell yourself things like, “Just do what you can. It may not be perfect, but what you can do is good enough.”

• Think of yourself as a friend: If you’re doing negative self-talk, ask yourself, “What would I tell a friend in this situation? Would I say the things I’m saying to myself to them?”

• Try some mindfulness: Take a moment to recenter yourself. Focus on your breathing and on what you’re doing in the moment.

• Fight your self-criticism with self-compassion: Self-compassion is all about treating yourself with kindness. Reevaluate how you talk to yourself and treat yourself.

• Create a helpful mantra: Find a soothing phrase that motivates you to keep moving forward. You might tell yourself, “You are capable. You are human. You may make mistakes, but no matter what, you are capable and worthy.”

• Mess up on purpose: Try getting somewhere 10 minutes late. This might cause you some anxiety, but when you get there, ask yourself, “Did that 10 minutes really hurt anyone? Why does arriving late make me a bad person?”

Overcoming perfectionism anxiety can be hard to do on your own. A therapist is a great place to start. They can help you find the root cause of your perfectionism, give you guidance on dealing with the anxiety, and ultimately help you overcome your perfectionism.

Check out this video for more information on perfectionism:

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