Sometimes therapy can be just plain frustrating. You go in with this idea that you’ll figure out how to deal with your emotions better or you’ll know what to do to fix your relationships, but you’re just not covering the ground you thought you would. Why isn’t therapy working?

When therapy isn’t working, don’t quit on it. Therapy can change your life, but you might just have to make a couple tweaks.

Check Your Expectations

Before you go to therapy, maybe all you had to go off of were the depictions you’ve seen in media. You thought you’d get to lie on a couch or that the therapist would be taking notes. But instead the therapist doesn’t invite you to lie down, and there’s not a notepad in sight. You might think, “Do they even know what they’re doing?”

If therapy isn’t working for you, start out by asking yourself this question: what were you hoping to get out of therapy when you started? Did you want the therapist to magically fix your problems? (Don’t we ALL wish that were possible?) Did you expect your problems to be fixed in just one session? Were you hoping the therapist would say, “It looks like you just need medication" and then you’d be cured? Those are all valid thoughts to have, but they might be keeping you from getting all the benefits of therapy.

Stop and think about what you were expecting to get out of therapy. Write down your expectations and bring them to your therapist in your next session. Though it may seem sometimes that therapists are mind readers, they really aren’t. When you can establish your expectations for them, they can help create a plan for you that fits your treatment.

If it’s homework you want, then your therapist can give it to you once you let them know. What better time to practice good communication than with your therapist?

Just remember that it’s normal to feel like things aren’t going as you expected. But in therapy, there’s definitely something you can do about that—even if it is just talking with your therapist about a change of perspective.

Change Your Approach

We all come from different backgrounds, have different personalities, and respond to things differently because of those factors. So if therapy isn’t working, sometimes it’s because the fit is off, be that with the therapist or the therapy style. At Ascent Family Therapy, we have therapists with training in various types of therapy because we know that our clients may have a variety of needs.

Sometimes you just don’t jive with a therapist, and sometimes you don’t jive with a certain type of therapy. Maybe you have been doing cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and have gotten the positive self-affirmations down, but now you need some mindfulness therapy to help you learn acceptance. Don’t be afraid to talk to your therapist about where you’re at with the therapy style.

You may also consider doing psychological testing to hone in on a correct diagnosis. Though therapists are trained to provide preliminary diagnoses, more comprehensive testing may give you a fuller picture of what you’re experiencing if therapy isn’t working for you.

However, you also might need to discuss your mental health with a healthcare provider. Therapists may encourage you to take medication for your mental health. Depending on the medication, your healthcare providers can prescribe them for you. For those people who need medication, the combination of that plus therapy can make a big difference.

Are You Doing Your Part?

When you go to therapy, it’s possible your therapist will start with the basics. Are you sleeping, eating, and exercising? When our bodies are unbalanced, our mental state gets out of whack too. Keeping these three things in mind can make quite the difference. When I’m hungry, I get hangry (hungry angry), and the only thing that can fix my mood is food. Start tracking your sleeping, eating, and exercising to see how it might affect your mood.

Another huge reason why therapy isn’t working is that a lot of the improvement comes from outside of therapy. You only meet with a therapist once a week (or however often you decide is right for you). That’s one hour of your week! That small time frame will not be a magic fix. You still have to do work outside your therapist’s office. So, if your therapist gives you homework to do outside of therapy, are you doing it? If you’re not, it’s likely that therapy won’t do much to make a change in your life. You are the person who makes the change, and that starts with you trying to practice what you learned in therapy outside of therapy.

If you need help remembering to do your therapy homework, you can write it in a planner or set a reminder on your phone or even put a sticky note somewhere you are sure to see every day. Do what works best for you. Just do something because that will make all the difference.

Sometimes a therapist might not give you something to work on though. If that’s the case, ask for homework. That way, you can let them know that you want to get the most out of this experience. Homework might include meditation, remembering to do the simple things (eat, sleep, exercise), or learning about and recognizing cognitive distortions.

Be Honest

If you are in therapy, you are amazing! It’s hard to open up and be vulnerable. But are you being completely honest with your therapist? A therapist can only help you as much as you let them. If you aren’t completely honest with them, then they won’t be able to provide you with the best care they can.

Therapy works when you are honest, but also when you are open to change. Be honest with yourself: are you open to changing? Change is hard for everyone, so why should it be easy for you? But are you willing to change? That’s key. When you are ready and willing to change, therapy will be a much better experience.

When Therapy Isn’t Working…

Don’t get discouraged! You have options! Communicate with your therapist when you feel like therapy isn’t working. And don’t forget to check your expectations, consider changing your approach, do your part, and be honest.